I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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