i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
