i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
