I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
