Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
