I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
