and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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