he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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