Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
