i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
