She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
