I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
