Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
