my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
