Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think your dad took our porno
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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