I should be sponsored by Trojan
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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