The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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