brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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