I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
