Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
