I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
