Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
