Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
