I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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