I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
