we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
