who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize