You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
