I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
