No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
