Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
