last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
