This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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