I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
