She is in my trunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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