i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
