don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Terrible idea I love it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
