FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
