I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
