I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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