Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
