my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
