she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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