remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
