I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
