my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
