my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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