She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bring me that man meat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
