my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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