I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
