Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
