Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize