She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
