my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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