I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
