how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize