So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
