If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So. Much. Porn.
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