Small penises have feelings too.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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