is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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