I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
