I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
