I think I died a long time ago.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
