It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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