Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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