are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
