And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
