I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
