the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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