So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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