They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
