Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
