kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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