i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
