i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
