Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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