on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
