i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
