I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
