It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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