fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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